Sometimes you find headspace, heartspace and balance in the unlikeliest places.
When my son said he wanted to grow his hair, I have to admit my heart sank just a little bit. I’m a busy working mum, and taking two or three hours out of my schedule to fit his hair in felt like a waste. But equally, I try to give my children some level of agency to help them develop and understand their own preferences and to offset the moments and decisions that I have to make for them.
We are now just over a month into his journey with his hair, and I’ve had two big realisations:
The practice of hair prep in the Black community is so much more than a task or a chore. It’s a ritual. As I sat doing his hair I remembered having my hair done by my mum and my sister mostly. I remembered watching my aunts do my mum's hair, and when I was old enough, I didn’t too. I did my sisters’ hair and my daughter’s as well as friends over the years, and now my daughter does her grandma’s, my nephew’s, mine and my son’s sometimes.
The time I spend doing my son’s hair creates a pocket of parenting that I usually struggle to find. In these hours, I am completely immersed in him. Even if the TV is on or the iPad, we are still talking and connecting. We do random spelling and times tables drills, talk about his game and whatever else is on his mind. This new thing in our lives has given me the gift of time with my son, which is never interrupted by my work phone or laptop. His hair trumps it all because he can’t go to school looking dishevelled.
So I’ll challenge you parents out there to pause and reflect the next time your child asks you for something that feels time-consuming or almost impossible.
It might just be what you both need!